by Allen Knippers
My first memory of looking at pornography was when I was in middle school. I was spending the night over at a friend’s house and another friend brought over some of his dad’s pornographic magazines. At the time, I was intrigued but clearly did not understand the consequences of that very moment.
When I got to college my roommates were constantly looking at pornography and it just became a normal part of life. Seeking out pictures and images on the internet were common. I justified it in my mind believing the lie that no one would ever know that I was lusting after images on a computer screen.
This trend continued over the years and I brought it into my marriage. When I couldn’t sleep, I would get up and go to the computer for a while and then go back to bed. I still didn’t really understand the depth of the sin that I was walking in until my wife came in one night while I was looking at pornography.
The look of disappointment and hurt on her face at that very moment spoke louder than any shouting match. Through the tears and me pleading for forgiveness she spoke the words, “I don’t think I can be married to you”.
Nothing else that she could have ever said would carry as much weight as that simple phrase. The reality of my sin became evident at that very moment. I realized how much looking at pornography and lusting after other women hurt both of us. I needed help but had no idea how to fight the temptation so I did exactly what I needed to do…I asked my wife to help me.
We decided that she would password protect the internet on our home computer so that I wouldn’t have access to it. My work computer was already monitored by our IT department so it was not even possible without getting caught. Then we began reviewing all movies that we rent before we rent them; if there was even a vivid sex scene we would just scratch that off the list. I wanted all pornography gone from my life and there was no other way to do it except taking drastic steps.
During this time I realized how much I love my wife and my marriage and conversely, how much I hated pornography and the devastating effect it has.
My wife caught me looking at pornography during our first year of marriage. We have now been married 13 years and I can say that pornography is something that makes me sick to even think about looking at. I love my wife and I love my marriage and I am willing to do whatever is necessary to fight for them. My actions hurt my wife deeply, but God’s presence in our marriage has been what restored the trust and security.
For both men and women, pornography, lust, and sexual sin are all temptations. As men, we are tend to be tempted visually. When we see a woman in tight fitting attire we struggle to turn our heads and resist lusting. When we look and linger the enemy takes that opportunity to use our imagination to create movie-like scenes in our head. So the question lies, how do we fight against this?
Matthew 5:29-30 says “If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell.”
We have to discipline ourselves and be willing to take drastic measures in our life to fight the present sin. A few questions to ask as we evaluate our daily life are:
- Where are you going? Do you go to inappropriate restaurants such as Hooters, Twin Peaks, etc… where the staff is extremely underdressed? Do you frequent gyms where women are walking around in yoga pants/spandex and men are dressed in tight fitting clothes?
- What are you watching? Does your favorite TV show have sexually charged scenes? Do you rent or go see movies that have nudity?
- How often do you browse the internet? What websites are you viewing? Are there advertisements on there for pornographic or sexually natured items?
- Who do you hang out with? Are there people in your life that constantly try and lead you towards lustful thoughts? Is that a healthy relationship?
For my wife and me, we answered those questions with the following steps:
- I don’t go to restaurants that I wouldn’t take my wife to on a date.
- We still read reviews for all movies that we rent or go to the theater to see. A couple great resources are www.pluggedin.com and even www.imdb.com. Both have parental reviews that detail the amount of pornographic/sexually explicit content as well as profanity and violence.
- We surround ourselves with men and women that hate the sin as much as we do. We are not in this war alone and need to rely on each other to go to war for each other. Reach out to each other when you first start feeling tempted with lustful thoughts.
- There are many web security/accountability programs that can be installed on your computer that will notify your accountability group.
- Pray!!! The Lord hates pornography as much as you do and he wants our purity. When you begin to feel the temptation ask Him to fill you with more of Him at that moment. I have even asked him to distract me with a project away from what I may have been doing. That may be going for a run, working in the yard or garage, or diving into scripture. Every time has looked different. But the only thing that stays constant is that He never leaves me and always comes to fight for me!
- Pursue the Lord! This is the most important. The more time you spend with God the more he will transform you into his likeness. He strengthens you to fight the sin in your life and he changes the desires of your heart.
The Bible tells us over and over that God hates sin. Therefore we have to hate sin because it separates us from God. When we are trapped in sin, our conscience is dulled and our love for God is lessened. Sin binds us up and blinds us to the truth and it grieves God. So we have to make war against it.
“Now may the God of peace himself sanctify you completely, and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of Lord Jesus Christ.” (1 Thessalonians 5:23)